Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
