I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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