Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
