She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
