I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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