I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
