How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My vagina just recognized that song.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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