I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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