Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
