you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
