i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
