I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
