Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
