In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
