i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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