they need to just BURY HIM!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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