I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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