So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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