i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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