i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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