i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
