The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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