somebody snuck up and got me drunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
