Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
