We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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