All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
