I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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