the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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