So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
