i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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