Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
