i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
