my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
