The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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