weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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