You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
