Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A bitchslap is in order.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
