as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
