Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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