I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
