FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
