Im at strip club and am horny
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
