i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
