by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
