Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I showed him my bush... on skype.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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