I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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