Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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