What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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