lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
