Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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